I Talk To

Myself - A Lot!

Elizabeth Warburton

"Good grief! No place like home? Can't you come up with something better than that?"

"I live alone now and fectly good facility, but as you love it. My wife exited several know, there is no place like years ago--she loved brother home." Robert, or so she said, but me, Liz, she despised. I never could convince her that we are one and the same person. She re- garded me as the 'other woman' who interfered in their marriage and refused to stay in the closet. Well, you win a few and lose a few, though I was unable to be so casual at the time.'

"My

marital

>>

status,

is not the reason for this literary gem."

"Good grief! Is there no end to this gal's self-praise?"

"Hush, Robert! I am not addressing you; don't be rude. I want to tell you about the first time I ventured from my own home, in the east end of Boaton, and drove out to the Tiffany Club in the suburbs, fully "dressed," of course. It an absolutely spell-binding tale."

is

"Good grief! Spell-binding she calls it. Believe me, it's a positive bore and she has told it so many times, with more flair and exaggeration each time, that there is only a semblence of truth in it."

"Why, dear brother, do you insist upon humiliating me? You used to do that to Margaret, you know---that may be one of the reasons she left. And, speak- ing of boring, you are totally oblivious to the silence and cold stares you get when you start telling those miserable ethnic jokes. Now, hush!

So, as

I was saying before that inter- ruption, I decided to dress at home and drive out to the Club. The Tiffany Club has a per-

"I have everything at home, an abundance of pretty clothes, shoes, wigs, and delicate things. I'll give him his due---Robert has arranged perfect lighting for do- ing makeup, so I enjoy getting ready so much more in my own environment. Having the wisdom and foresight, as well as splendid organizational skills that I do, I had Robert move the car away from the house, around the corner, so that our neighbors could no longer see it. (We live in a closely-knit family oriented neighborhood in which Robert is respected and cher- ished-though, for the life of me, I can't see why! If they knew him as well as I do, they might have second thoughts.)"

"Good grief! She makes statements like that and expects me to keep quiet! Just exactly what do you mean by that?" a spendthrift,

"You're

you're penny wise and pound foolish. You're a procrastinator, in fact, you're downright lazy! Is the back door fixed? No, of course not, it still sticks. You're a chauvinist; you never help around this this house. Is that enough?"

"Who's a spendthrift? I have one small closet for my clothes--you've taken over an entire third floor room for yours.

"And just why would you need more space? You slop around here in jeans and a sweat shirt most of the time. I, on the 5

other hand, have a reputation to maintain. Are you forgetting that I am Miss Tiffany and have a plaque to prove it?"

"Good grief, my dear sister, that's a cheap shot! Really below the belt. Are you so insecure in your own image that you have to keep reminding me of that? I mean, OK, Miss Tiffany is fine--but you're not exactly Miss America, you know!” "That's something else that annoys me. You feel it's necessary to intellectualize every- thing. I am perfectly secure in my own image.

"

"Why are we arguing, do you know? I suddenly feel as if Margaret is back."

"Margaret wasn't always wrong. Some of her complaints and observations were quite justified."

"I really don't need you to tell me that. In retrospect, I have enough self-recrimina- tions. Come on now, let's stop this bickering. I really am very fond of you, you know. For what other reason would I have promised to take you to din- ner? You'd better start to dress."

"But, I haven't finished my story!"

"It will keep, dear sister, it will keep. You can finish it tomorrow, or next week." "Procrastinator!" "Good grief, again?”

"Will you

take me

to the Ritz Carlton for dinner?” "You're pushing, Liz, you're pushing...

"I know, but someone

has to."

"Good grief!!"